The Void.

I am not happy with my life.

And I don’t know how to fix the unhappiness that I feel. There is something missing in my life. I don’t know what it is, but I can feel the emptiness, this void in me.

It’s not entirely about happiness too, it’s about feeling fulfilled with the life that I am living.

I thought that graduating from college would be the solution to this void. Then I experienced life after college and that pride that I felt from graduating slowly disappeared. Then depression and rock bottom appeared. I was at a high point of my life and I reached my goal, one of my life goals…

Then what?

Then I felt like getting a new job was the next solution to this void. I wasn’t happy with my job. Then after months of struggling and sending applications, I finally got a new job. A job that I studied and got my degree for. But, I was struggling and I’m still currently struggling. I know that it takes time to get used to it and I need a lot more patience.

But, getting a new job wasn’t filling that void.

I go through life everyday and I don’t feel like myself. And I haven’t been happy, truly happy in a long time. I haven’t had a genuine smile or laughed in a long time. It’s all fake, the smiles and laughs that I’ve been having  for the past couple of months.

I’ve experienced this many times in my life.

But it feels different this time. Because I always worked hard towards the goal of graduating college. And since that goal is done, I don’t know.

Maybe I just need to get away from home for a little bit.

If you are struggling and don’t know what to do with your life.
You are NOT alone.

Let’s help each other.

-Mel

 

 

 

 

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Worries of the Day.

• “Word” of the Day.
• Daily Gratitudes.
• Daily Journaling.
• Daily Photos.

I used to do all of these daily things when a new year began.

Some worked, some didn’t.

It went from a daily thing to a weekly thing to doing it once in awhile. And then I just completely forget about it.

I was trying to see the positivity in my daily life. It is something I should do everyday. But on days that I was too anxious or too depressed, it was so difficult finding the positivity in my life.

A couple of weeks ago, I became too overwhelmed with my life and I started to become really anxious.

I started my new job and became flooded with so much information and I didn’t know what to do. And at the same time, my parents left for their 2 week vacation to the Philippines. I still have my cousins, aunts and uncles here. But I felt really anxious to be alone at home and not have my parents or brother around.

One day before work: all these worries were in my head and I started to become anxious enough that I really didn’t want to go to work.

So I decided to write everything that I was worried about. By knowing ahead of time of every little thing that worried me, it helped me get through the day.

So every day before work, I go to Starbucks and write my worries of the day. My list is repetitive but now my list is getting smaller and smaller.

By getting the worries and negativities out of my mind and literally seeing all my worries in front of me, I was able to conquer the day ahead of me.

-Mel