Unexpected Occurrences.

This year.

Or should I say: these past 6 months have been unbelievably difficult.

My requests for days off in the past 5 months have been due to:

• A sinus infection
• Going to the ER to help my mom
• My uncle’s funeral
• AN UPPER RESPIRATORY VIRAL INFECTION that lasted 3 days!
• A dentist appointment, then another one today (which ended in scheduling 2 more appointments because I have to get a root canal)

I have been wanting to take days off for a break or a vacation for the past 3 months.

But with all these unexpected occurrences happening, my anxiety is telling me that I shouldn’t take personal or vacation days off. Because I took so many days off for family or medical issues. And I don’t know. I shouldn’t overthink it but that’s what anxiety does.

But let me tell you what my anxiety and mind is telling me right now.

I was getting anxious about this appointment. I don’t know why. I had a crown procedure before. But when I woke up, I just felt really anxious about this appointment.

I didn’t feel like myself. I just felt off and out of place all day.

Then going to my appointment, I was running late and getting more anxious.

As soon as I arrived, I got more anxious because they didn’t start until like 30 mins later. And I got even more anxious.

Then as soon as they got into my procedure and they hit that one nerve where my cavity was, I just knew that I had to get a root canal. I was going to toughen up and just finish it to get it over with. But my aunt (aka also my dentist) knew that it wasn’t going to work and I had to get a root canal.

My anxiety is exploded at this point. Because I had to make 2 appointments. My boss and co-teacher will love me.  And I have to wait until the new year because the specialist didn’t have any this week and was closed next week.

When unexpected occurrences happen like this, my anxiety can’t handle it.

My mind can’t stop thinking about it.

I just thought about this too. That I am very concerned with time, I don’t like wasting it. I don’t like being late for anything, I don’t like when plans have to change or get postponed or doesn’t happen.

And so I am getting anxious thoughts of why did I take half a day off just to get poked with tools in my mouth and then nothing happens, nothing was accomplished.

Those are my anxious thoughts.

I can’t stop things that happened and I can’t go back in time to prevent these occurrences from happening. Things happen and we can’t do anything from doing it.

I don’t know.

-Mel

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