There were days when all I wanted to do was be in my room, on my bed crying.
I couldn’t leave, I didn’t want to leave.
In my second year of college…
I would drive all the way to school, drive around trying to get parking. And before the class even started, I would get in my car and make the 20 min drive back home.
I didn’t want to be there, I knew I had to be there but I couldn’t.
That memory of walking down the stairs from my class and leaving 10 minutes before the class started is forever in my mind.
It’s so significant because that is not me.
That is depression.
And that moment, was rock bottom.
10ish years later, I can get out of bed and go to work.
But depression appears in different ways. And now anxiety comes in alongside depression.
Sometimes it takes me 5 days to call my dentist and make an appointment. Because I thought of every possible worst scenario to come out of it.
Sometimes I can’t talk to anyone because my mind is too overwhelmed with worries and overthinking that it makes it impossible to carry a conversation.
Sometimes I can’t finish my damn resume and look for other jobs because my current one affects my depression and anxiety.
That is depression.
-Mel