It finally happened.

I’m going back to therapy.

& it couldn’t have started at the right time.

This week, I’m having an immense amount of anxiety and I’m kind of scared of it.

And I’m now realizing it’s a series of anxiety attacks.

The trigger happened on Monday after a stressful and overwhelming last hour of my shift.

Then the entire night, I was completely anxious.

I couldn’t stop moving and my mind was racing around in my head.

I couldn’t stop worrying or thinking about worst case scenarios.

Anything that typically can slow down my thoughts or distract my mind didn’t work AT ALL.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe 10x than normal.

I just didn’t know what to do.

The next day was a lot of forgetting things or getting completely confused by everything.

I forgot to lock the door in the bathroom at work and luckily I was finished when someone walked in (twice).

I thought the barista called my name for my drink. And ended up getting a really gross LARGE drink.

And today,

I just want this week to be over.

At this moment, I’m having a lot of anxiety. I really just want this work week to be over.

But I’m going back to therapy.

I don’t know if I shared this, I probably have.

But therapy didn’t work for me the first time,

I was 21. My mom set up the appointment. I’m not sure how I asked her to set it up for me. But I saw a therapist and psychiatrist. That was when I was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder.

No offense to that therapist. But I just felt like she kept on advising me to “stop thinking” about certain things, like my ex boyfriend. It didn’t help.

The psychiatrist was much more helpful on listening to me. However, I didn’t like being prescribed to medication. The medication didn’t do anything except for giving me its side effects.

I’m really hoping that this time will last more than a couple of months and that it will actually help me.

Good night.

-Mel