4 AM

This is the THIRD Saturday in a row where I have woken up at 4am.

No nightmares. Not feeling too cold or too hot. No loud noises waking me up.

Just naturally waking up at 4am.

And I wrote my previous post around 11pm last night and fell asleep around 12:45am.

So yea… I didn’t get too much sleep.

Now it’s a thing for Saturday’s now…

And I couldn’t understand why.

I’ve had bad insomnia before where I would wake up or sleep at the same time every night. There was one summer when I fell asleep at 5am everyday. Or one phase when I would sleep at 11pm, wake up at 1am and go back to sleep on a daily basis.

Having the same sleeping schedule is normal when it’s on a daily basis. But this occasion is weird, its EVERY SATURDAY AT 4am. Not Friday then Saturday. Specifically every Saturday. Between 4-4:30am. No matter what time I slept the night before. I still woke up around 4am.

And what’s one thing you do when you’re confused about something? You Google it!

So I typed in waking up at 4am.

And apparently… waking up at 4am. Specifically the hour of 4am has something to do with breathing and the lungs. And it also can mean sadness, feeling disappointed, just depression in general.

And now I get it. I generally have a hard time being able to breathe lately because my anxiety gets really bad. So that explains the breathing and lungs part.

And uh…the last post written a couple of hours ago said I wanted to kill myself. So the sadness and depression explains it too.

I just don’t understand why every Saturday. Like I’m glad it’s a Saturday and not a work day. Running on less than 4 hours of sleep being a Pre K teacher wouldn’t be the best thing. So I’m glad my body decides to do it on the weekend, so I could either sleep in or take a nap.

I’ve been feeling small amounts of depression here or there in the past couple of weeks. And my body is physically reacting to it.

And it’s almost 6am now….

Now what?



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