Welp…
Last week was overwhelming.
I was:
- Irritable
- Depressed
- Overwhelmed
- Suicidal
- Anxious
- Frustrated
- GAVE UP.
I was supposed to have plans over the long weekend last weekend with someone, but they didn’t reply to my messages.
And I was left wondering “WHAT HAPPENED?” as expressed in my last post.
That’s when I decided I needed a break from my MENTAL HEALTH.
I’m still anxious, depressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, irritable. But I’m choosing to distract myself just enough to not endure those feelings.
It’s not healthy. BUT I NEED A BREAK.
I cried so much within the past week, more than I had in the past 4 months.
I cried so much that I felt so NUMB to emotions after that. I was upset, but I couldn’t express it. I was frustrated, but my mind/facial expressions went blank.
Yesterday was the perfect weather to have a day off from my mental health. It was gray, cloudy, cold and raining. To be honest, my favorite type of weather because I like to feel cozy with blankets and listen to the rain. I took my time cleaning and doing laundry. I painted and drew while watching some movies that I loved. I took a break from my phone, turning it off and putting it in a different room.
I know that I would be upset, looking at my phone and not seeing any texts.
So I had to take myself back to reality and basically slap myself (figuratively).
You want that person to text you back. You overthink and analyze all the things you’ve said. You think of all the worst possible situations. You think of the thought…..that person is never texting you back.
& YOU THINK HOW CAN I RECOVER and MOVE ON WHEN ALL THOSE THINGS HAPPEN.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. I can’t even predict what can happen. Because anything can happen.
Sure. I do get disappointed when I don’t get a notification of a text message. (I literally checked my phone and I told myself, “yup no text message”).
But I need to give myself a plan, before I start making decisions irrationally.
I texted multiple times last week, just out of sheer frustration last week.
I need to get a plan going.
If they don’t text/respond within a week’s time from the past text, let’s delete the texts and move on.
I’m tired of wondering.
I’m tired of hoping.
I’m tired of hoping things will get better. From what happened last year and now the beginning of this year, we have no f*cking clue what will happen.
I just need to start doing things for myself, for my mental health and begin moving on.
-MEL
hello melmel 